What you can do to help a friend or a family member who has been sexually assaulted
80-85% of victims are raped by someone they know. Because of this, most rape victims feel like no one will believe their story, partly because she herself cannot believe what has happened. It is very important that friends and family members not only believe the victim, but affirm their belief to the victim. Being believed is the first step in the healing process.
Rape is about establishing power and control over a victim in which sex is used as a weapon. Therefore, issues such as: what the victim was wearing, how much she had had to drink and if she was flirting with him are all irrelevant.
Take the time to really hear what she has to say. Make sure she feels important. Not only will this help her by increasing her self worth but will also open up the doors of communication between the two of you and she will be more likely to talk to you again.
As a rape victim, your friend or family member has had her personal space violated in the worst possible way. Therefore, it's important to sit at least an arm's length away, avoid positioning yourself between the victim, and the door and always be at eye-level with the victim. Also, be aware that the victim may not want to be touched. What may have been an acceptable expression of caring (hugging, for example) may trigger a reminder of the traumatic experience.
Rape victims may have received external and internal injuries and/or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) during the assault. In addition, she may be pregnant.
Support the victim regardless of whether or not she decides to report the offence to law enforcement. It is important to remember that during a rape, the victim's choices are taken away; therefore it is empowering to the victim to be able to make the choice about reporting to law enforcement. It helps her to reestablish control in her life.
She has gone through a life-altering experience. She will probably go through many emotional changes, such as shame, guilt, embarrassment and anger.
Refer her to a sexual assault program in her area. Advocates are trained to provide a variety of options to victims, allowing them make the appropriate choices for their individual situation. |